What The F*ck Do I Do Now?

Here I am, a senior excited for graduation but confused about what the f*ck comes next. This semester I am taking a course called the “Branding of Me” at UNC Hussman School of Journalism and Media where we are asked to write two blog posts per week to further our personal brand. While I have thought a great deal about what my personal brand is, I realized that it can be much more vibrant if I am willing to be vulnerable.

After years of pseudo-planning out my life with confidence, I never really considered that sometimes unforeseen circumstances can be life-altering. On the night of December 1st, 2021 my life came to an abrupt halt. After spending my day in Chapel Hill, I returned home to Lumberton, NC and stopped by a friend’s house for dinner. Right as I took my last bite, I noticed I had several missed calls from family members. At first I assumed they were just checking in to make sure I had made it back safely, but when I returned the call to my grandpa I quickly realized there was more to the situation. As soon as I heard the word “fire”, everything around me was a blur. I hopped in my car and sped home to be greeted by smoke, flashing lights and my childhood home engulfed in flames. I parked in the middle of the blocked off street, ran into my grandparents yard (basically all of my neighbors are family), and spotted my dad standing next to an ambulance where I later noticed my mom laying in the back. Eventually, both of my parents were airlifted to the UNC Burn Center, and as my grandparent’s drove my brother and I to the hospital, all I could think about was how long this second drive back to Chapel Hill felt. After hours and hours of waiting we were finally able to see our parents, and while seeing that they were both stable eased my anxiety, it did not remedy it. I went home, returning every few days to check in on them. Never did I think I would be dealing with things like insurance, bills, and hospital paperwork at the age of 22 without the assistance of my parent’s. My life went up in flames, so I asked myself, “What the f*ck do I do now?”.

I decided there was not going to be a specific answer, and tackled my own question strategically. Being a visual person, I listed everything that came to mind; whether it was immediate or long term, big or small. A huge part of my list consisted of the job search. Panic set in, I realized that not only did I lose my computer, all of my portfolio was gone. It then clicked that my next step had nothing to do with my professional life, while also having everything to do with my professional life; self care.

By self care I am not referring to a skincare routine (although, skincare is very important), I am referring to overall health; mental, physical, personal, and so on. We have developed a culture that pushes us to take care of ourselves after we have handled everything else, and I am here to call bull on that. Take care of yourself first, foster community, and I am sure we will figure out what the f*ck comes next.